A New Mantra

Allow me to preface this by acknowledging that I’m a shitty blogger. I also have a propensity for doing anything other than blogging when I know I should. Let’s move on.

Most of the reason for my lack of updates is how much I’ve been working. I’m currently finishing up two client projects, editing photos from a wedding shoot I did last month (as well as designing the presentation and website for them), and trying to set up a few senior photo shoots. When I’m not working, I’m still working; trying to do everything I possibly can to get this ball really rolling. If I’m not doing any of those things, I’m thinking, analyzing, and spending time being introspective or doing something creative for myself in between.

I don’t know what it is lately, but I feel like I’m on the verge of something. I’m on the verge of something big. I’m trying my best not to over-think this, and just let the universe take the reigns and figure out the how, and so far I’m doing pretty good.

There have been several major shifts in my personality, and some surprising unconscious side-effects have presented themselves along with these changes. I’ve noticed that certain aspects of my personal life, and things that I used to hold dear, have started to change in how I view them and prioritize them. The more I work, the more I become obsessed with working, furthering my career, moving out, the like. My work ethic gets stronger and stronger all the time, through no decisive effort of my own. I’ve never been one to be completely lazy, and I’ve always found that to be a really unattractive quality in anyone, but I sure do know how to procrastinate. And I still do, but I’m getting better. The urge to put things off is dwindling, and I no longer feel overwhelmed by large projects or how much work I have to get done. It’s a nice side-effect.

On the conscious side of things, I’ve had a total shift in my mindset. I don’t know what brought it on, other than the fact that for the past several years, my entire viewpoint has been about what I don’t have yet. Who I’m not yet. Where I’m not at yet in my life and in my career. A giant barrage of negativity just floating around in my brain.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve always been a glass-half-full kinda guy. But I think we all have those negative thoughts that only serve to slow us down and ultimately block our goals. And while changing your outlook on your circumstances is a thought anyone can entertain in their head, actually doing so is a hell of a lot more work than I thought. But I’m doing it, albeit slowly. I’ve made the conscious choice to focus entirely on the positive aspects of my life and all the things to come. To collect all of the good juju my brain has, and send it out any way I can. Negativity only brings more negativity, and that clearly wasn’t doing me any favors.

I hate to get all new-age on you, but I’ve always felt a positive truth in the universe and it’s involvement in my life. It’s the law of attraction, after all. I’ve also been doing a lot of personal research on the subject, and in all of the texts I’ve read, the consensus is the that this law of attraction dictates the reality of your life, whether you realize it or not. I admit, it sounds like a hokey load of bullshit. But after a lifetime of focusing on negativity without even really meaning to, what’s the harm in testing the theory?

Whenever I start pining over some ridiculously overpriced piece of equipment I’d love to have, instead I focus on how lucky I am to have what I have already. I have skill, talent, and technical knowledge, and I know how to make what I have work for me. Although I do feel limited sometimes in what I can do as opposed to what I want to do, I try as hard as I can to make that mental shift. Instead of comparing my situation with that of others my age, something ridiculous in and of itself considering everyone is different, I focus on what I have accomplished. I focus on the amazing things I already have, and the wonderful people in my life who are willing to help, love and support me along the way. Sounds corny, but it’s amazing how one little thought can turn an entire mood around if you let it.

I think when we have a shitty day, or we get jealous, or someone hurts us in some way, there’s always that tiny part of us that wants to be stubborn and stay angry about it. But trust me, when you really let it go, it’s amazing how fast you can turn everything around. When you hear that phrase, “The happiest people don’t have the best of everything, they just make the best of everything,” or any of the thousands similar to it, it makes sense on a kind of superficial level. But once you really set out to get it, understand it and make that idea part of your life, it feels really good.

In summation, I feel good. Depression is no longer part of my life, which is another happy side-effect of this recent shift. I feel good, and I’m thrilled to wake up every day. Rereading this post, it all sounds a little self-congratulatory and ridiculous, but there really isn’t any other way of describing it. Wish me luck on whatever that big thing is that I’m on the verge of.