One New Brain, Table 2

I haven’t been active here, or anywhere else for the past week because of an infection in my jaw that’s made me a total nutcase.

I feel much better now, and I’m on super strong antibiotics, and I book my followup dentist appointment tomorrow. Typically, my anxiety is easy to handle on a day to day basis. But when something like this happens, my levels shoot through the roof, and I’m a nervous wreck for an entire week, completely unable to do anything or function normally.

My jaw was completely swollen, and I looked like I had a golf ball tucked in my cheek, and the funny thing is, is that I didn’t have a toothache - my jaw was just really sore and I could hardly open my mouth. Either way, something was fucked up in there, and tomorrow I’ll go get some x-rays to see what the deal is now that I’m on my last antibiotic.

Yesterday, I woke up feeling great. My jaw was back to it’s normal size, and I wasn’t in any pain. I got up, ate some breakfast, and went to watch some TV to let my mind settle. I then began to get really nauseous. I wasn’t sure if it was from my nerves, the meds I’m on, or the toast I had just eaten, but I thought for sure I’d be spending the morning vomiting. Nausea is the worst feeling in the universe, and when it happens I tend to pace until it subsides. So there I am, pacing frantically around my house like a fucking lunatic, and I decide to go out into the garage to get some fresh air.

Out of nowhere, I burst into hysterical sobs. The choking kind of sobs that only happen when you haven’t cried in a very long time, when things have just been building up and building up. I don’t cry - once in a while I’ll tear up at something, but then my tear ducts promptly shut down and it’s over. I don’t think I could cry if I wanted to, so this was completely out of the blue. That was the kind of crying that you try to hold in, and your face is all “LOL NOPE, DON’T THINK SO.”

In retrospect I think I was having an acute panic attack, because I then began laughing hysterically. Now, either the crying relieved me so much to the point that my anxiety and nausea completely disappeared, or I had a psychotic episode, but either way I’m grateful that happened. Because what I felt before that point was the worst I’ve felt in my entire collective memory of life. I’ve had anxiety attacks before, but nothing on that kind of scale. So there I was, standing in the middle of my garage, shaking with laughter with tears still streaming down my face. Picture of mental health, right?

I feel much better now, I was a little antsy all day today, but I took a long nap and now I’m starting to feel back to normal. I’m still stressing about some financial bullshit going on right now, but I’m taking it as it comes. Now, internet, I need to get back to work. I just wanted to pop in and let you know that I’m a.) alive, and b.) completely insane.

Have a fabulous week.